When, at 25 weeks pregnant, the Obstetrician uttered that one sentence, "This is not going to end happily", I felt numb. So the baby had hydrocephalus and appeared incompatible with life. What did that even mean? I surprised myself by having the presence of mind to ask about a dozen questions without a tear in my eye. I grilled the Doctor about everything I could think to ask him. He answered me directly and honestly. It wasn't comforting. The outlook for our precious little boy was bleak.
As my husband and I made our way blindly back into the waiting room, we were met with a sea of pregnant women. There would have been at least thirty of them smiling and chatting while they waited to see their Doctor. That was when it hit me. I lost it. I burst into tears and started sobbing uncontrollably.
|Enjoying the Sunset|
We were quickly ushered into a side room where I had a chance to get my breath and pull myself together again. We sat for about fifteen minutes before we headed down for yet another ultrasound. As we stood waiting for the lift, my phone beeped. It was a text message from someone we knew. She had just had her baby. A healthy little boy. The tears came again.
It was a long, quiet drive home. Neither of us really wanted to talk. There weren't any words.
That was when something special happened. There, in the sky up ahead of us, was a rainbow. Not just a half rainbow; this was a beautiful full arch. It hadn't been raining, but there it was. My husband and I saw it at the same time. He reached across and rubbed my big belly and gave me a smile. It was still a worried, sad smile, but in that smile was some hope.
|First smiles- Perfection|
We had to make that same drive each fortnight between then and when I finally gave birth to Felix at 36 weeks. At some point during every trip we saw a rainbow. We really believe that it was assurance that everything was going to be OK.
As you know by now, everything was OK. Felix was born healthy and strong and absolutely gorgeous :)
Two days ago I jumped out of bed, threw on one of my husband's shirts, grabbed my camera and ran outside and up onto the kids trampoline. There in the sky was a perfect full arch; a beautiful rainbow. A reminder of everything we have been through and all we have to look forward to. What a way to start the day!
Below is a poem someone posted on Facebook today. I thought it was beautiful and sums up exactly how I feel about Felix.
When you were but a tiny speck
something happened to your cells
as life began to bloom
a chromosomal anomaly
is what the doctors say
but you are EXACTLY what I asked for
each night as I would pray
"Dear Lord, send me a happy child
who will not grow up too fast,"
for I love the joys of childhood
and I wanted that to last.
'Send me a child who sleeps all night
and doesn't often cry,
a little boy with endless love
and a willingness to try."
That little extra chromosome
that number 21
gave me all I ever wanted
YOU - my precious son!