Friday, 25 May 2012

Tears for a new friend

In memory of our precious angel, Eden.
She would be turning 8 years old this year
I heard some sad news today. The lady I have been speaking to (who was pregnant with a little one with Down Syndrome) just went for an Ultrasound but they were unable to find a heartbeat. She had just embraced her decision to continue her pregnancy even though it meant she was about to embark on a journey she hadn't planned on taking. Sadly, it was not meant to be. Her little girl was obviously too beautiful for this world. As devastating as this news is, I am so thankful that she had made the decision to have her baby even though the diagnosis of Down Syndrome had been such a shock. This precious little girl was loved and very much wanted.

Felix -All the more special
Reading this sad news today reminded me of the day in August 2004 when I went for my Morphology scan (I was 19 weeks and 3 days pregnant). For 3 days I felt like something wasn't quite right. I hadn't felt the baby move much and when I walked into the room to have my Ultrasound, I actually said to the Sonographer, "I think my baby has died." Within seconds my worst fears were realised. There, on the little TV screen was a perfect little baby, curled up tightly and looking so sweet but without a heartbeat. I wanted the world to stop, but it didn't. I was induced later that night, and after a 7 hour labor I delivered my tiny little girl, Eden Grace.

I can honestly say that a lot of things in my life changed that day. After the clouds lifted (which took months). I knew that if I could survive burying my baby, I could get through anything. Having Eden gave me a new appreciation for the children I already had and I felt much stronger and able to cope with life than ever before. I realised more than ever the frailty of life and how precious it really is. I still grieve for Eden; I cry for her and think of her every day, but looking back now I can see that losing Eden made having Felix even more special. When we were told that they suspected Felix had Down Syndrome it was a relief! I was 19 weeks and 3 days pregnant (exactly the same as the day I found out Eden had died). I had been a nervous wreck all morning because of the irony of the timing of my scan. To be told Felix had Down Syndrome was great news. He was alive, he was healthy and he moved so much it felt like he was trying to break out. What a blessing!

Today I celebrate life because it is so fragile. I have friends, who even today, have had to put their children into the hands of surgeons. There are many waiting for life saving heart surgery. One little boy is slowly recovering from leukemia. There are also the happy stories. The friend I mentioned in a previous blog, who has gone through a long adoption process to save a little girl from an adult institution in Eastern Europe, finally has her new daughter home in a warm, loving family.

Hug those you love tightly today. Tell them you love them. Cry for those you've lost; but cherish those you still have. I'm so thankful for Eden. She taught me to love more deeply than I ever had before. As hard as it was to lose her, I am so glad I had her. I only got to hold her in my arms for a day, but she will live on in my heart forever.

Remembering all of our angels x x x


  1. You have made the tears flow Kylie, for the pain of loss you have had to bear. Hugs for you. You have been blessed with Felix, I pray his journey with you may take some of the pain away.


    1. Thanks Cilla. He really is such a precious gift x x x

  2. Dear Kylie,
    Felix is just beautiful, I wish I could just cuddle him through the iPad :)
    Your story is amazing, your strength is inspirational, I can't imagine the pain of losing your little one, but I believe that you must have one heck of a guardian angel looking out for you always x

    Thanks foe sharing you story, and I wish your family every happiness with your beautiful son Felix

    Lots of Love
    Glenda :)

  3. Thank you so much Glenda. I was actually saying to someone the other day that I think Eden is Felix's guardian angel... she would have been telling him to hang on when the Doctors said he wouldn't survive! :) Felix is pretty adorable if I do say so myself...I will give him a big cuddle for you x x x