|The newest little star in the sky!|
I have felt so many mixed emotions this week. I have felt so much sadness and cried many tears. I have felt angry that a precious little man was taken from such a beautiful family. I have felt joy as I've watched Felix play, and I've laughed at the funny things he's said and done. I've also been frightened about his health. To be honest, I have been terrified about it. Nicholas, like Felix, had always been really healthy. None of us are promised a tomorrow, so it's another reminder to live each day fully and love deeply. More than anything this week, I have held Felix tighter than I have in a very long time.
Yesterday, as I was driving home from work, I saw a huge rainbow in the sky. The longer I drove, the bigger it got until I could see the whole arc from one side to the other. I stopped the car several times to take photos of it. Some of you might remember my rainbow story. After we were told, at the hospital, that Felix probably wouldn't survive, and was likely to pass away in the womb from issues with his brain, we saw a rainbow on the way home that day. Every fortnight, after that, as we drove 200km to the hospital for appointments, we saw another one. Seeing the rainbow brought me a peace that Felix was going to be OK. Ever since then, a rainbow makes me think of Felix. After a radio interview I did, a few years back, they played the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". When Felix graduated from kindy last year, what song came on as his face appeared on the power point presentation? Yep...."Somewhere Over the Rainbow".
Yesterday, when I saw the rainbow my thoughts went straight to Nicholas. When I saw that enormous, colourful arc, bursting through the clouds, I could see his sweet little face in my mind; his bright blue eyes and the blondest hair you've ever seen. It was just like he was reminding us that he's still around. I cried as I drove; tears for his family, tears for the unfairness that his body is no longer here, but thankful for the reminder that he lives on in our hearts. Sleep sweetly Nicholas x